Wassup rockers!
So this is the least important of my usual year-end-best-of lists, merely because it's so fluid. Sometimes I don't even do a Best Songs list, but this yr it was absolutely nesc., as there will be no Top Ten Movies of 2006 list. In fact, we may not see one again until, say, Top Ten Movies of 2024. Twin babies, and all that. In fact, here is my Top Movies of 2006 List, for posterity.
1. Borat
2. Little Miss Sunshine
That's all I saw.
SO! Songs! Shall we?
1. "The Crane Wife 1 & 2" - the Decemberists. If you can take an obscure Japanese folk tale, and turn it into an epic eleven minute folk-rock song that actually kind of rawks, well then I am there, my friend. You know me far too well.
2. "Mushaboom" - Feist. This song almost seems to sum up the last two yrs of my life into a catchy little acoustic ditty. Conor Oberst did a fantastic cover of this on the Bright Eyes live album.
3. "Trains to Brazil" - Guillemots. I know nothing about them, other than the fact that I listened to this song 15 times before I decided I liked it, and 15 times more before I realized I loved it. A strong candidate for #1 if I ever re-do this list in 2011 ("Best Songs of 5 Yrs Ago" - see, it's fluid!)
4. "The Greatest" - Cat Power. The countdown has begun to Chan Marshall being a Sarah Maclachlan-type star, beloved by 40 yr old secretaries and sorority chicks alike. As long as she busts out slow jams like this, we're cool.
5. "Steady, As She Goes" - the Raconteurs. My fucking theme song. A simple life in a quiet town.
6. "Stuck Between Stations" - The Hold Steady. Every song on this album is great, I chose this because it has my favorite lyric of the yr : "She was a really cool kisser and she wasn't all that strict of a Christian".
7. "Never Ever" - Shout Out Louds. This song cures hiccups.
8. "Phenomena" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs. First De La, then LL, now Karen O. "Something like a phenomonon" is the lyric that keeps on giving!
9. "Insistor" - Tapes 'n Tapes. This song cures full blown AIDS.
10. "Fake Believe" - They Might Be Giants. This is kind of an achievement award for TMBG, a band I hadn't listened to in probably 10 yrs. Not only did they provide music for some awesome Dunkin' Donuts commercials ("Doing Things Is What I Like To Do" and "Alarm Clock Catastrophe" stand up with anything off of Flood), but they made an ABC's album for kids a few yrs ago that doesn't make me want to blow my head off. "F is for fun, F is for fun, F is for Fake Believe!" is a rallying cry in our household now.
The more important one - Best Albums - is coming soon, as well as the track listing for the 2006 Box Set.
Be bold, rockers!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Every Book I've Ever Read is Pretty Good
Wassup rockers!
A quick one today - but then I always think they'll be quick ones.
L-Boogie wondered why I didn't put little reviews or blurbs or something about the books I'm reading on my "100 Books" quest. Apparently she feels I'm "opinionated" or something, but what would you expect from someone who likes that godamn-awful "You're Beautiful" song? But she actually had a good point, and I thought about it for a second.
But then I realized I've thought every book I've ever read cover-to-cover was, at worst, not bad. And there is a simple reason for this, rockers - if it sucks, I don't finish it*. I think that's why I still look so awesome, is this lack of stress from feeling I have to finish reading crappy books. Stay young looking, don't force yourself to read Thomas Pynchon if it isn't doing it for you, that's my motto.
Hence, the best criticism I can give any book is whether it's "memorable-good" or "Yeah, I read that, it was OK, but I don't remember anything about it" good. Or, of course, "I didn't finish that piece of shit", but I'm (obviously) not including those on my 100 Books List. (Not to say there haven't been any - 2 so far. That would be a funny list after I'm done - Shitty Books I Didn't Finish While I Was Reading 100 Books in One Year. I'll keep you posted.)
So here's the updated list, with my little critique appended - an "O" for "Oh yeah, that was really good!" or an "H" for "Huh? That's right, I did read that. Don't ask me anything that happens, I forget. It was pretty good though."
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST (NOW WITH GRADES!)
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell (O+)
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker (O)
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle (H +)
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle (O)
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle (H)
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover (O)
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger (O)
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover (H+)
9. The Ruins by Scott Smith (O)
10. The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline and Fall of Truth by Frank Rich (H)
11. The Ghost Writer by Philip Roth (current)
*The exceptions are shitty crime novels that are too easy not to finish, and books that are so awful each sentence is a revelation, i.e. The Bridges of Madison County or that one fake book about the kid who said his mother put him a toaster or something (note: Google reveals it to be called A Child Called It).
A quick one today - but then I always think they'll be quick ones.
L-Boogie wondered why I didn't put little reviews or blurbs or something about the books I'm reading on my "100 Books" quest. Apparently she feels I'm "opinionated" or something, but what would you expect from someone who likes that godamn-awful "You're Beautiful" song? But she actually had a good point, and I thought about it for a second.
But then I realized I've thought every book I've ever read cover-to-cover was, at worst, not bad. And there is a simple reason for this, rockers - if it sucks, I don't finish it*. I think that's why I still look so awesome, is this lack of stress from feeling I have to finish reading crappy books. Stay young looking, don't force yourself to read Thomas Pynchon if it isn't doing it for you, that's my motto.
Hence, the best criticism I can give any book is whether it's "memorable-good" or "Yeah, I read that, it was OK, but I don't remember anything about it" good. Or, of course, "I didn't finish that piece of shit", but I'm (obviously) not including those on my 100 Books List. (Not to say there haven't been any - 2 so far. That would be a funny list after I'm done - Shitty Books I Didn't Finish While I Was Reading 100 Books in One Year. I'll keep you posted.)
So here's the updated list, with my little critique appended - an "O" for "Oh yeah, that was really good!" or an "H" for "Huh? That's right, I did read that. Don't ask me anything that happens, I forget. It was pretty good though."
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST (NOW WITH GRADES!)
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell (O+)
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker (O)
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle (H +)
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle (O)
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle (H)
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover (O)
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger (O)
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover (H+)
9. The Ruins by Scott Smith (O)
10. The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline and Fall of Truth by Frank Rich (H)
11. The Ghost Writer by Philip Roth (current)
*The exceptions are shitty crime novels that are too easy not to finish, and books that are so awful each sentence is a revelation, i.e. The Bridges of Madison County or that one fake book about the kid who said his mother put him a toaster or something (note: Google reveals it to be called A Child Called It).
In Defense of Cheap Beer
Wassup rockers!
I have a confession, my friends - yr ole pally Timmy, he sometimes cares too much about keepin up with them Joneses. Cares too much about what others think of him. You got a iPod? I got an iPod with video. You got a nine piece Chicken McNugget? I got a twenty piece McNugget. You got a PS3? I got a PS4, motherfucker.
So I'm here to renounce all that noise. And I'm starting with malted beverages.
To wit: there is nothing wrong with cheap ass beer.
Now, first, a distinction - if you are in an upscale restaurant, enjoying a nice meal, by all means order the $8 beer. I will continue to do so myself - good beer makes good food taste better.
Also, if I'm at a bar and just having a beer or two, I will almost always order a Newcastle or Sierra Nevada over a Bud Light. In the realm of "a beer or two", there is a great divide between Newcastle and Bud Light. Bud Light is meant for enjoying in bunches (i.e, 4 or more.)
BUT, if you are planning on drinking in bunches (7 or more), save yr money rockers. You are going to get a hangover anyway, so do what I do - go cheapie cheap. Pabst Blue Ribbon, Black Label, Natty Light - tell the truth, after 5 beers, can you tell the difference?
No. No you can't.
And that's why anyone who buys a twelve pack of Heineken is an asshole.
PBR, motherfucker!
Anyways.
Quickly:
- Fantastic "Office" and "30 Rock" last night. Subpar "Scrubs" (the whole "seeing yrself in yr patients" thing made me gag a lil bit), and I might be slowly losing interest in "My Name is Earl".
- The tentative title for my Best of 2006 mixes is "Live a Simple Life in a Quiet Town". Don't laugh fuckers, it's probably yr Xmas present! (Thnx for the idea, young Padawan!)
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover
9. The Ruins by Scott Smith
10. The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline and Fall of Truth by Frank Rich (current)
I have a confession, my friends - yr ole pally Timmy, he sometimes cares too much about keepin up with them Joneses. Cares too much about what others think of him. You got a iPod? I got an iPod with video. You got a nine piece Chicken McNugget? I got a twenty piece McNugget. You got a PS3? I got a PS4, motherfucker.
So I'm here to renounce all that noise. And I'm starting with malted beverages.
To wit: there is nothing wrong with cheap ass beer.
Now, first, a distinction - if you are in an upscale restaurant, enjoying a nice meal, by all means order the $8 beer. I will continue to do so myself - good beer makes good food taste better.
Also, if I'm at a bar and just having a beer or two, I will almost always order a Newcastle or Sierra Nevada over a Bud Light. In the realm of "a beer or two", there is a great divide between Newcastle and Bud Light. Bud Light is meant for enjoying in bunches (i.e, 4 or more.)
BUT, if you are planning on drinking in bunches (7 or more), save yr money rockers. You are going to get a hangover anyway, so do what I do - go cheapie cheap. Pabst Blue Ribbon, Black Label, Natty Light - tell the truth, after 5 beers, can you tell the difference?
No. No you can't.
And that's why anyone who buys a twelve pack of Heineken is an asshole.
PBR, motherfucker!
Anyways.
Quickly:
- Fantastic "Office" and "30 Rock" last night. Subpar "Scrubs" (the whole "seeing yrself in yr patients" thing made me gag a lil bit), and I might be slowly losing interest in "My Name is Earl".
- The tentative title for my Best of 2006 mixes is "Live a Simple Life in a Quiet Town". Don't laugh fuckers, it's probably yr Xmas present! (Thnx for the idea, young Padawan!)
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover
9. The Ruins by Scott Smith
10. The Greatest Story Ever Sold: The Decline and Fall of Truth by Frank Rich (current)
Why America Sucks, or, Thank You America! Also: 100 Books Cont.
Wassup, rockers!
So yr boy Timmy can get kind of mad at his countrymen. Sometimes because of the political type things, but usually because of something far more important to our everyday lives: television.
I know what you're thinking: "But Timothy, my favorite blogger in all the blogosphere, winner of 5 consecutive "Blogger of the Millennium" awards from Blogging Illustrated, I don't even own a television! I bought one once to watch Jim Lehrer, but the constant pleading for donations on PBS made me feel that they sold out, so now I just get NPR on podcast!"
Fuck off, then. I don't need yr charity. I'm talking to real Americans here, not you Upper East Side liberal types. Go away. (But we're still on for brunch at Tavern on the Green, right?)
Anyway - television.
You other Americans all suck when it comes to watching TV. I am awesome at it, but you assholes keep dragging me down. Every time there's a new show that I really like, you douchebags won't watch it, and it gets cancelled.
This started a few yrs ago, with "Freaks and Geeks". What's wrong with you dilches - you had freaks and geeks. In high school, for chrissakes. You could not have imagined a better show. But you morons decided to watch "According to Jim", instead. Good move. You really can't get enough of the fat husband disappointing his hot wife by ditching her, and then lying to her because he has tickets to The Big Game. We've never seen that before, "According to Jim". Please use that plot 5 times a season, we really love it. It guarantees the ha-ha's.
Anyway, you retards didn't learn yr lesson. "Undeclared" - cancelled. "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" - cancelled. "The Tick" - cancelled. Meanwhile, "Two and a Half Men" is still going strong.
Way to go, assholes.
And then, the coup de grace, the moment I gave up on all of you. Despite the Fox Network's game attempts to keep it alive, you mongoloids failed to watch the funniest live action comedy of the last ten years - "Arrested Development". Two and a half seasons of laughs every fifteen seconds, not to mention jokes that you didn't even get until you watched the episode a 2nd or 3rd time, and you asslickers got it cancelled.
So they could bring back "Family Guy".
"Hey, Tim, this is even worse than that time you wrote a blog calling the American public morons and Mr. T came in and said 'I pity the fool, American TV viewing morons', and then somebody fell down!"
The reason I'm pissed is because there are five shows right now that I find funny, and four of them get mediocre ratings, and now they will all be on the same night. "How I Met Yr Mama" seems to doing OK, but "My Name is Earl", "Scrubs" (welcome back, Dr. Acula!), "30 Rock" (fantastic so far) and, of course, "The Office" (which is getting to point where I may move it ahead of "Arrested Development" if this season keeps up) are all losing in the ratings to a show where they think it's clever to put "Mc" in front of things. "Grey's Anatomy" - you McSuck.
You all suck.
Also!
You all rule!
My "Best Music of 2006" column will be coming soon - we got three CDs worth, this yr, rockers, an unprecedented amount of good music in 2006.
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover (current)
So yr boy Timmy can get kind of mad at his countrymen. Sometimes because of the political type things, but usually because of something far more important to our everyday lives: television.
I know what you're thinking: "But Timothy, my favorite blogger in all the blogosphere, winner of 5 consecutive "Blogger of the Millennium" awards from Blogging Illustrated, I don't even own a television! I bought one once to watch Jim Lehrer, but the constant pleading for donations on PBS made me feel that they sold out, so now I just get NPR on podcast!"
Fuck off, then. I don't need yr charity. I'm talking to real Americans here, not you Upper East Side liberal types. Go away. (But we're still on for brunch at Tavern on the Green, right?)
Anyway - television.
You other Americans all suck when it comes to watching TV. I am awesome at it, but you assholes keep dragging me down. Every time there's a new show that I really like, you douchebags won't watch it, and it gets cancelled.
This started a few yrs ago, with "Freaks and Geeks". What's wrong with you dilches - you had freaks and geeks. In high school, for chrissakes. You could not have imagined a better show. But you morons decided to watch "According to Jim", instead. Good move. You really can't get enough of the fat husband disappointing his hot wife by ditching her, and then lying to her because he has tickets to The Big Game. We've never seen that before, "According to Jim". Please use that plot 5 times a season, we really love it. It guarantees the ha-ha's.
Anyway, you retards didn't learn yr lesson. "Undeclared" - cancelled. "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" - cancelled. "The Tick" - cancelled. Meanwhile, "Two and a Half Men" is still going strong.
Way to go, assholes.
And then, the coup de grace, the moment I gave up on all of you. Despite the Fox Network's game attempts to keep it alive, you mongoloids failed to watch the funniest live action comedy of the last ten years - "Arrested Development". Two and a half seasons of laughs every fifteen seconds, not to mention jokes that you didn't even get until you watched the episode a 2nd or 3rd time, and you asslickers got it cancelled.
So they could bring back "Family Guy".
"Hey, Tim, this is even worse than that time you wrote a blog calling the American public morons and Mr. T came in and said 'I pity the fool, American TV viewing morons', and then somebody fell down!"
The reason I'm pissed is because there are five shows right now that I find funny, and four of them get mediocre ratings, and now they will all be on the same night. "How I Met Yr Mama" seems to doing OK, but "My Name is Earl", "Scrubs" (welcome back, Dr. Acula!), "30 Rock" (fantastic so far) and, of course, "The Office" (which is getting to point where I may move it ahead of "Arrested Development" if this season keeps up) are all losing in the ratings to a show where they think it's clever to put "Mc" in front of things. "Grey's Anatomy" - you McSuck.
You all suck.
Also!
You all rule!
My "Best Music of 2006" column will be coming soon - we got three CDs worth, this yr, rockers, an unprecedented amount of good music in 2006.
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover (current)
Rules By Which You Must Abide, in Regards to The Enjoyment of Recorded Music
Wassup rockers!
Just a couple of quick music rules that you need to follow, courtesy of yr Uncle Timmy. In this busy world, we don't have time to listen to as much music as we would like before making our purchasing decisions. Therefore, I have devised a series of rules that keep you from buying terrible music, without even hearing it! This will ensure the greatest possible satisfaction when enjoying music in the comfort of yr abode.
1. Don't buy anything made by a band where more than 50% of the members have goatees. Especially if the lead singer has a goatee. These bands tend to have unresolved anger issues to complement their shitty songwriting, ham-fisted playing, and poor fashion sense. They also tend to misspell the name of their band (on purpose, it seems.)
2. Don't buy any hip-hop records where every review mentions the same song about the rapper's mama, saying that song "shows that he has sensitive soul that belies the other sixteen tracks about murdering hoes and beating up bitches". We're onto you, rappers. You all put that one "Mama" song on so that clueless magazine reviewers will feel guilty for hating yr record, but don't want to seem out of touch, so they have to give you a good review. Usually a B.
3. Don't buy anything made by the child of a legendary musician. Sean Lennon almost made himself the exception to this rule, but then he waited 8 yrs to record a follow up to his good-not-great debut. Sorry, friend, after eight years we need something more than mediocrity. Anyway, musicians apparently aren't like baseball players - there seems to be no genetic link between fathers and sons. "But Timmy," you ask, "what about Jakob Dylan?" Exactly.
(And Loudon Wainwright III isn't "legendary", so Rufus doesn't count.)
4. Don't buy anything recorded by a band whose name is (a.) a compound noun, or (b.) two random nouns, or (c.) any word with a number after it. Think about every band that sucks, and you will realize ninety per cent of them violate this rule. Addendum : Never listen to anything recorded by a band with words "Clown Posse" in their name. But you knew that.
5. Don't buy anything by a band who is promising that this record is "a return to our roots, more like our first album." It isn't.
Let me know any other rules you guys have, rockers, I'll post the most interesting ones later.
Holla!
Just a couple of quick music rules that you need to follow, courtesy of yr Uncle Timmy. In this busy world, we don't have time to listen to as much music as we would like before making our purchasing decisions. Therefore, I have devised a series of rules that keep you from buying terrible music, without even hearing it! This will ensure the greatest possible satisfaction when enjoying music in the comfort of yr abode.
1. Don't buy anything made by a band where more than 50% of the members have goatees. Especially if the lead singer has a goatee. These bands tend to have unresolved anger issues to complement their shitty songwriting, ham-fisted playing, and poor fashion sense. They also tend to misspell the name of their band (on purpose, it seems.)
2. Don't buy any hip-hop records where every review mentions the same song about the rapper's mama, saying that song "shows that he has sensitive soul that belies the other sixteen tracks about murdering hoes and beating up bitches". We're onto you, rappers. You all put that one "Mama" song on so that clueless magazine reviewers will feel guilty for hating yr record, but don't want to seem out of touch, so they have to give you a good review. Usually a B.
3. Don't buy anything made by the child of a legendary musician. Sean Lennon almost made himself the exception to this rule, but then he waited 8 yrs to record a follow up to his good-not-great debut. Sorry, friend, after eight years we need something more than mediocrity. Anyway, musicians apparently aren't like baseball players - there seems to be no genetic link between fathers and sons. "But Timmy," you ask, "what about Jakob Dylan?" Exactly.
(And Loudon Wainwright III isn't "legendary", so Rufus doesn't count.)
4. Don't buy anything recorded by a band whose name is (a.) a compound noun, or (b.) two random nouns, or (c.) any word with a number after it. Think about every band that sucks, and you will realize ninety per cent of them violate this rule. Addendum : Never listen to anything recorded by a band with words "Clown Posse" in their name. But you knew that.
5. Don't buy anything by a band who is promising that this record is "a return to our roots, more like our first album." It isn't.
Let me know any other rules you guys have, rockers, I'll post the most interesting ones later.
Holla!
Archived: Baby Music, or "OK Elmo"; 100 Books cont.
Wassup, rockers!
Someone made a CD of music for babies using Radiohead songs. It's called "Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Rendtions of Radiohead", and I'm still not sure how I feel about this. I mean, yeah, I want my kids to like good music, but who likes the music we heard when we were babies? I don't have "Who Are the People In Yr Neighborhood?" on my iPod, and I don't guess I will anytime soon. Plus, I'm not sure I want to expose my babies to the bleak alienation of Radiohead. So I guess I'm against it. But the good news is they used songs from the 2 really good Radiohead albums (The Bends and OK Computer), before they started making what pretentious folks call "soundscapes", generally unlistenable if you aren't on drugs. (Now every time they're about to release an album, it is described as "a return to the guitar epics of OK Computer", but then I buy it and it's just a bunch of 7 minute tracks full of beeping. I'm not believing them anymore. I'm not buying any Radiohead albums unless they actually name one No More Fucking Beeping, We Promise.)
Anyway.
This company has also used music by Coldplay (of course), Pink Floyd, The Cure, and Metallica (!) I think they should do Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Limp Bizkit. They could change the lyrics to make it more funny to babies.
I did it all for the nookie
The nookie
So you can take this cookie
And stick it up your
BUM!
stick it up your
BUM!
-
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover (current)
Someone made a CD of music for babies using Radiohead songs. It's called "Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Rendtions of Radiohead", and I'm still not sure how I feel about this. I mean, yeah, I want my kids to like good music, but who likes the music we heard when we were babies? I don't have "Who Are the People In Yr Neighborhood?" on my iPod, and I don't guess I will anytime soon. Plus, I'm not sure I want to expose my babies to the bleak alienation of Radiohead. So I guess I'm against it. But the good news is they used songs from the 2 really good Radiohead albums (The Bends and OK Computer), before they started making what pretentious folks call "soundscapes", generally unlistenable if you aren't on drugs. (Now every time they're about to release an album, it is described as "a return to the guitar epics of OK Computer", but then I buy it and it's just a bunch of 7 minute tracks full of beeping. I'm not believing them anymore. I'm not buying any Radiohead albums unless they actually name one No More Fucking Beeping, We Promise.)
Anyway.
This company has also used music by Coldplay (of course), Pink Floyd, The Cure, and Metallica (!) I think they should do Rockabye Baby: Lullaby Renditions of Limp Bizkit. They could change the lyrics to make it more funny to babies.
I did it all for the nookie
The nookie
So you can take this cookie
And stick it up your
BUM!
stick it up your
BUM!
-
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover (current)
Archived: Is Your Favorite Celeb A Commie Pinko or a Fascist Piggo?; Also, "Head-On" is Dead to Me
Wassup, rockers!
So I just stumbled across this awesome website - http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/ - where you can look at how much (and to whom) yr "favorite celebrities" have donated to political causes. (I just love that phrase, "favorite celebrities". I feel like I'm writing for US Weekly.) I just spent about 4 hours looking at this, it might be the biggest time suck since whatifsports.com.
Some quick highlights:
REPUBLICANS
Already knew:
Drew Carey
Pat Boone
Jim Cavaziel
Charlton Heston
Dennis Hopper
Toby Keith
Kinda figured:
Jeff Foxworthy
Ernest Borgnine
Tom Clancy
Robert Duvall
No Fucking Way!:
Julie Bowen (my biggest crush circa Oct. 1996)
Shannen Doherty (actually, this makes total sense; also, she's a really cheap Republican, too, apparently - $250)
Bob Barker (the animal rights thing threw me off)
Kelsey Grammer (No idea why, I always just assumed he was a liberal)
David Blaine (maybe he can make the war in Iraq disappear)
DEMOCRATS
Already knew:
Alec Baldwin
Ben Affleck
Ed Begley Jr. (Really, what else is he known for?)
Alan Alda
No fucking way!:
Clint Eastwood (he's given more $ to Dems than GOP, anyway)
Johnny Carson (see Kelsey Grammer, then reverse it)
Tom Cruise (I thought Xenu had his own political party?)
Robert DeNiro (I just can't picture him talking about the plight of the middle class; good on ya, Bobby!)
Kinda Figured:
Every single other Democrat on that list.
(Note: I only listed people from A-D; I didn't want to ruin yr fun.)
New topic!
You may recall in this space a few weeks ago I posted an undying love for the masterpieces of surrealist cinema known as "The Head-On Commericals". I had not known a love so pure since I was a wee lad, rockers, and I was pretty sure Amy Hoopis wanted me to kiss her in her attic whilst we were playing hide and seek.
But those fuckers went and ruined the commercials. It still starts off awesome, with the blissed out chick rubbing the Chap-Stick on her dome, but just as the narration begins, there's a schizm, and suddenly what I assume is a reject from "Best Week Ever" is on my screen TALKING ABOUT HOW ANNOYING THE COMMERCIALS ARE.
This will not stand!
"Head On" is laughing at their own joke. The old commercials, when viewed with an educated eye and an appreciation for irony, were gold, Jerry, gold I tell ya. The new ones, telling us how annoying the old ones were, are fifty times as annoying.
Join with me, rockers. Boycott "Head On" until they bring back the old ads. Actually, Lauri bought some right before they changed the ads, and said it was useless, so we prolly wouldn't have bought it again anyway.
But still.
So I just stumbled across this awesome website - http://www.newsmeat.com/celebrity_political_donations/ - where you can look at how much (and to whom) yr "favorite celebrities" have donated to political causes. (I just love that phrase, "favorite celebrities". I feel like I'm writing for US Weekly.) I just spent about 4 hours looking at this, it might be the biggest time suck since whatifsports.com.
Some quick highlights:
REPUBLICANS
Already knew:
Drew Carey
Pat Boone
Jim Cavaziel
Charlton Heston
Dennis Hopper
Toby Keith
Kinda figured:
Jeff Foxworthy
Ernest Borgnine
Tom Clancy
Robert Duvall
No Fucking Way!:
Julie Bowen (my biggest crush circa Oct. 1996)
Shannen Doherty (actually, this makes total sense; also, she's a really cheap Republican, too, apparently - $250)
Bob Barker (the animal rights thing threw me off)
Kelsey Grammer (No idea why, I always just assumed he was a liberal)
David Blaine (maybe he can make the war in Iraq disappear)
DEMOCRATS
Already knew:
Alec Baldwin
Ben Affleck
Ed Begley Jr. (Really, what else is he known for?)
Alan Alda
No fucking way!:
Clint Eastwood (he's given more $ to Dems than GOP, anyway)
Johnny Carson (see Kelsey Grammer, then reverse it)
Tom Cruise (I thought Xenu had his own political party?)
Robert DeNiro (I just can't picture him talking about the plight of the middle class; good on ya, Bobby!)
Kinda Figured:
Every single other Democrat on that list.
(Note: I only listed people from A-D; I didn't want to ruin yr fun.)
New topic!
You may recall in this space a few weeks ago I posted an undying love for the masterpieces of surrealist cinema known as "The Head-On Commericals". I had not known a love so pure since I was a wee lad, rockers, and I was pretty sure Amy Hoopis wanted me to kiss her in her attic whilst we were playing hide and seek.
But those fuckers went and ruined the commercials. It still starts off awesome, with the blissed out chick rubbing the Chap-Stick on her dome, but just as the narration begins, there's a schizm, and suddenly what I assume is a reject from "Best Week Ever" is on my screen TALKING ABOUT HOW ANNOYING THE COMMERCIALS ARE.
This will not stand!
"Head On" is laughing at their own joke. The old commercials, when viewed with an educated eye and an appreciation for irony, were gold, Jerry, gold I tell ya. The new ones, telling us how annoying the old ones were, are fifty times as annoying.
Join with me, rockers. Boycott "Head On" until they bring back the old ads. Actually, Lauri bought some right before they changed the ads, and said it was useless, so we prolly wouldn't have bought it again anyway.
But still.
Archived - Election Blog
(I'm busting out all caps for this bad boy...)
WASSUP ROCKERS!
So I'm in a pretty good mood. I was looking at all the latest polls for the last few weeks, and they looked pretty good. I was cautiously optimistic that we Defeatocrats would take a slim majority of the House, and maybe 3 or 4 Senate seats. But then I remembered two things:
- Karl Rove is some sort of evil genius who could get both members of Milli Vanilli elected if he wanted to (yes, even the dead one.)
And
- I am a terrible jinx.
So to show you why, going into Election Day, I was convinced that I'd be spending 5 hours watching Chris Matthews and Wolf Blitzer repeat things like, "Paul Begala, why do you think this Democratic wave never materialized?", I present to you Timmy's Wretched Voting History. Most thirty year old Democrats already know where I'm going with this.
(PROLOGUE)
1992 (Rhode Island): I'm sixteen years old. For the first time in my life, the President-elect is not old enough to be my grandfather. He listens to (and "plays"!) rock music - shitty rock music, but still. And he has a poet speak at his inauguration. A poet! A BLACK poet! A FEMALE black poet!Ambrosia for a pretentious, poetry writing high school junior like myself. America is on the right course, and soon we will all be smoking cloves and reading Kerouac.
1994 (California): My first election! I am proud that I will soon help elect the first female governor of our most populous state. Nothing can go wrong. Voting rules! I am awesome!
And then, something strange happens as I'm watching the returns. Back East (Note! future blog on the enduring use of "Back East" and "Out West", unless I keep seeing annoying commercial I want to write about), the Dems are falling. Quickly. By the time the California polls close, "Republican tidal wave" is the mantra of the evening. Kathleen Brown loses to incumbent California governor Pete Wilson by approx. 115%. Prop 187, making it legal for white people to kill and eat Mexican babies, passes in a landslide. I cover myself with a blanket.
1996 (California): Clinton kicks much ass. No notable statewide races. The high point of my voting career for the next ten years.
1998 (California): I must have been high this year. I remember nothing, except that Lucinda Williams and Massive Attack released excellent albums this year.
2000 (California): Well, we all know about this one. My buddy Aaron met me after work informing me that they had just called Florida for Gore. A few of us went to my apartment to get drunk and celebrate. After all hell breaks loose, T.J. tries calling CNN to demand an explanation, and somehow gets into a fight with an operator at 1-800-CALL-ATT, and keeps calling back trying to get him on the phone again. They eventually write off the 15 dollars in charges.
"Maybe Bush won't be so bad," I remember saying. "He's a compassionate conservative, right?"
2002 (California): On the bright side, my pick for Governor wins this time - Gray Davis. He would be recalled less than two 2 years into his term.
2004 (Rhode Island): The time is nigh! America is with us again! We are ready to stand up to this phony and tell him that real Americans want health care for their kids, that we want a living wage, that we don't want to be harrassed by Jesus freaks! We don't want to be lied to anymore about a war where our sons and daughters are dying! So we have nominated .. oh shit, John Kerry? Really? Everyone's second choice? OK, I guess. So we have nominated John, um, Kerry, and he will lead us to.... oh, please don't tell me that's a picture of him windsurfing. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.
2006 (Rhode Island): "Hey Lauri, we're up 3 to 1," I joke just after the first polls close, and CNN calls the first 4 House races. I'm way too nervous about this.
And then, fast forward five hours, it looks pretty good. I turn on Fox News, hoping to see one their main douchebags (ie Hannity or Bill-O)acting like this is no big deal ("The six year itch", according to Double Down Bill Bennett), but am disappointed to find someone named Shepherd Smith, who I'm fairly certain is some sort of space alien.
"Well, we're still in Vermont, that could go either way, " he says.
"Montana," his guest corrects him.
"Whatever," he says, having clearly given up.
Fox News: Fair and Balanced!
So, tonight, the fin de siecle. We all knew Virginia was in the bag, but we were all afraid to say it. I hate those nutty election conspiracy theories, but there was something in the back of my mind thinking, "What if they find some way to win the one district with no registered voters*?"
But as the news came in, I switched between the cable news channels anf basked in relief. I was off the schneid. The headlines:
CNN: "DEMS TAKE SENATE"
MSNBC: "BREAKING NEWS: DEMS TO TAKE SENATE"
Fox News: "NOT SO FAST"
Fair and balanced!
*James City County, one of four precincts that was unreported on Tuesday night. Seriously. This precinct consists of a river and no people. So why did they take so long to report?
WASSUP ROCKERS!
So I'm in a pretty good mood. I was looking at all the latest polls for the last few weeks, and they looked pretty good. I was cautiously optimistic that we Defeatocrats would take a slim majority of the House, and maybe 3 or 4 Senate seats. But then I remembered two things:
- Karl Rove is some sort of evil genius who could get both members of Milli Vanilli elected if he wanted to (yes, even the dead one.)
And
- I am a terrible jinx.
So to show you why, going into Election Day, I was convinced that I'd be spending 5 hours watching Chris Matthews and Wolf Blitzer repeat things like, "Paul Begala, why do you think this Democratic wave never materialized?", I present to you Timmy's Wretched Voting History. Most thirty year old Democrats already know where I'm going with this.
(PROLOGUE)
1992 (Rhode Island): I'm sixteen years old. For the first time in my life, the President-elect is not old enough to be my grandfather. He listens to (and "plays"!) rock music - shitty rock music, but still. And he has a poet speak at his inauguration. A poet! A BLACK poet! A FEMALE black poet!Ambrosia for a pretentious, poetry writing high school junior like myself. America is on the right course, and soon we will all be smoking cloves and reading Kerouac.
1994 (California): My first election! I am proud that I will soon help elect the first female governor of our most populous state. Nothing can go wrong. Voting rules! I am awesome!
And then, something strange happens as I'm watching the returns. Back East (Note! future blog on the enduring use of "Back East" and "Out West", unless I keep seeing annoying commercial I want to write about), the Dems are falling. Quickly. By the time the California polls close, "Republican tidal wave" is the mantra of the evening. Kathleen Brown loses to incumbent California governor Pete Wilson by approx. 115%. Prop 187, making it legal for white people to kill and eat Mexican babies, passes in a landslide. I cover myself with a blanket.
1996 (California): Clinton kicks much ass. No notable statewide races. The high point of my voting career for the next ten years.
1998 (California): I must have been high this year. I remember nothing, except that Lucinda Williams and Massive Attack released excellent albums this year.
2000 (California): Well, we all know about this one. My buddy Aaron met me after work informing me that they had just called Florida for Gore. A few of us went to my apartment to get drunk and celebrate. After all hell breaks loose, T.J. tries calling CNN to demand an explanation, and somehow gets into a fight with an operator at 1-800-CALL-ATT, and keeps calling back trying to get him on the phone again. They eventually write off the 15 dollars in charges.
"Maybe Bush won't be so bad," I remember saying. "He's a compassionate conservative, right?"
2002 (California): On the bright side, my pick for Governor wins this time - Gray Davis. He would be recalled less than two 2 years into his term.
2004 (Rhode Island): The time is nigh! America is with us again! We are ready to stand up to this phony and tell him that real Americans want health care for their kids, that we want a living wage, that we don't want to be harrassed by Jesus freaks! We don't want to be lied to anymore about a war where our sons and daughters are dying! So we have nominated .. oh shit, John Kerry? Really? Everyone's second choice? OK, I guess. So we have nominated John, um, Kerry, and he will lead us to.... oh, please don't tell me that's a picture of him windsurfing. Fuck it, I'm going to bed.
2006 (Rhode Island): "Hey Lauri, we're up 3 to 1," I joke just after the first polls close, and CNN calls the first 4 House races. I'm way too nervous about this.
And then, fast forward five hours, it looks pretty good. I turn on Fox News, hoping to see one their main douchebags (ie Hannity or Bill-O)acting like this is no big deal ("The six year itch", according to Double Down Bill Bennett), but am disappointed to find someone named Shepherd Smith, who I'm fairly certain is some sort of space alien.
"Well, we're still in Vermont, that could go either way, " he says.
"Montana," his guest corrects him.
"Whatever," he says, having clearly given up.
Fox News: Fair and Balanced!
So, tonight, the fin de siecle. We all knew Virginia was in the bag, but we were all afraid to say it. I hate those nutty election conspiracy theories, but there was something in the back of my mind thinking, "What if they find some way to win the one district with no registered voters*?"
But as the news came in, I switched between the cable news channels anf basked in relief. I was off the schneid. The headlines:
CNN: "DEMS TAKE SENATE"
MSNBC: "BREAKING NEWS: DEMS TO TAKE SENATE"
Fox News: "NOT SO FAST"
Fair and balanced!
*James City County, one of four precincts that was unreported on Tuesday night. Seriously. This precinct consists of a river and no people. So why did they take so long to report?
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