Wassup, rockers!
So yr boy Timmy can get kind of mad at his countrymen. Sometimes because of the political type things, but usually because of something far more important to our everyday lives: television.
I know what you're thinking: "But Timothy, my favorite blogger in all the blogosphere, winner of 5 consecutive "Blogger of the Millennium" awards from Blogging Illustrated, I don't even own a television! I bought one once to watch Jim Lehrer, but the constant pleading for donations on PBS made me feel that they sold out, so now I just get NPR on podcast!"
Fuck off, then. I don't need yr charity. I'm talking to real Americans here, not you Upper East Side liberal types. Go away. (But we're still on for brunch at Tavern on the Green, right?)
Anyway - television.
You other Americans all suck when it comes to watching TV. I am awesome at it, but you assholes keep dragging me down. Every time there's a new show that I really like, you douchebags won't watch it, and it gets cancelled.
This started a few yrs ago, with "Freaks and Geeks". What's wrong with you dilches - you had freaks and geeks. In high school, for chrissakes. You could not have imagined a better show. But you morons decided to watch "According to Jim", instead. Good move. You really can't get enough of the fat husband disappointing his hot wife by ditching her, and then lying to her because he has tickets to The Big Game. We've never seen that before, "According to Jim". Please use that plot 5 times a season, we really love it. It guarantees the ha-ha's.
Anyway, you retards didn't learn yr lesson. "Undeclared" - cancelled. "Andy Richter Controls the Universe" - cancelled. "The Tick" - cancelled. Meanwhile, "Two and a Half Men" is still going strong.
Way to go, assholes.
And then, the coup de grace, the moment I gave up on all of you. Despite the Fox Network's game attempts to keep it alive, you mongoloids failed to watch the funniest live action comedy of the last ten years - "Arrested Development". Two and a half seasons of laughs every fifteen seconds, not to mention jokes that you didn't even get until you watched the episode a 2nd or 3rd time, and you asslickers got it cancelled.
So they could bring back "Family Guy".
"Hey, Tim, this is even worse than that time you wrote a blog calling the American public morons and Mr. T came in and said 'I pity the fool, American TV viewing morons', and then somebody fell down!"
The reason I'm pissed is because there are five shows right now that I find funny, and four of them get mediocre ratings, and now they will all be on the same night. "How I Met Yr Mama" seems to doing OK, but "My Name is Earl", "Scrubs" (welcome back, Dr. Acula!), "30 Rock" (fantastic so far) and, of course, "The Office" (which is getting to point where I may move it ahead of "Arrested Development" if this season keeps up) are all losing in the ratings to a show where they think it's clever to put "Mc" in front of things. "Grey's Anatomy" - you McSuck.
You all suck.
Also!
You all rule!
My "Best Music of 2006" column will be coming soon - we got three CDs worth, this yr, rockers, an unprecedented amount of good music in 2006.
TIMMY'S RETROACTIVE 100 BOOKS IN 1 YEAR LIST
Begin: 10/30/2006
1. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
2. Fantasyland by Sam Walker
3. The Commitments by Roddy Doyle
4. The Snapper by Roddy Doyle
5. The Van by Roddy Doyle
6. Newjack: Guarding Sing Sing by Ted Conover
7. Wonderland: A Year in the Life of an American High School by Michael Bamberger
8. Whiteout: Lost in Aspen by Ted Conover (current)
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